i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize