I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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