Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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