okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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