I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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