I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
