lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
as a side note pls kill me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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