Having a random hookup so left but love u
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
