the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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