White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Randomize
