is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
