your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
