We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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