Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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