No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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