This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
