I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
