Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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