would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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