she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
