highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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