Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
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i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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