cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
