Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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