what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
