Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
