so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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