Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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