i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
