i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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