thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
