xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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