So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
