Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
