And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
