His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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