Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
