dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
