someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
