this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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