white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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