Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
