I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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