My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
