I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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