I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Come on in and take your pants off
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