my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize