All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
this hospital has no fireball
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
