I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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