i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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