Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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