I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she smelled like a LAN party
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
