And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
