a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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