I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
