Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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