We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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