sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
