OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
