you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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