hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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