he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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